What to Do If You’re in Relationship and Have a Crush on Someone Else

1. Don’t nurture the crush

This is a rule that many commenters agreed on – don’t feed these feelings.

“Crushes, by nature, pass,” one Redditor wrote. “I don’t nurture them and they pass.”

“Don’t fantasize, don’t play scenarios in your head, don’t give it energy to grow,” another said. “It’ll pass.”

2. Keep in mind it’s not reality

When you’re caught up in the throes of a crush it’s easy to convince yourself that the grass is greener on the other side. But it’s important to remember that (to be brutally honest) you’ve completely made this up in your head.

“Reminding myself that I’m almost certainly crushing on the idea, not the reality,” one Redditor commented. “The reason the beginning of a relationship is so intense and passionate is because we are swept up in the honeymoon period, in the lighthearted, surface level good. We see primarily the desirable aspects of our (potential) partner. The real test of a relationship comes after, when we begin to see (or let ourselves acknowledge) the bad.”

3. Remind yourself how good you’ve got it

If you are happy in your current relationship, focus on that.

“When someone flits across my mind, I remember that if I pursued that individual, I’d be sacrificing the long term comfort I already have, in exchange for the short term passion they could provide,” one commenter said. “And for me there’s no question which I’d choose.”

“Being a mature adult to me is being able to see compatibility from an objective POV, and you’re really screwing up if you are willing to play into a crush if the person you’re with is truly a compatible match,” another wrote.

One way to remind yourself about the perks of your current partner is by spending more quality time together.

“These crushes happen in part because we are at work/school more than we are awake at home,” one user explained. “So, overcompensate a little. Turn off the TV, get off Facebook & Reddit, and play board games or go for walks. I always think the free dates are more intimate than going out to dinner & drinks, because that can feel like throwing money at your relationship, but those can be fun, too.”

4. Distance yourself

Spending a lot of time with the subject of your affection isn’t going to do yourself any favors.

“What you/I do about them is you be honest with yourself and distance yourself from the person,” a Redditor wrote. “Unless you’re planning to ditch your SO and be with that other person (which probably means it is more than a crush), nothing good comes from keeping a crush around.”

“Don’t be alone with your crush (like never meet up for coffee), because while she can’t avoid working with him, she can avoid seeing him other outside of work,” one commenter said. “Meeting up like that is a chance at taking intimacy to a deeper level.”

5. Use it as an opportunity for self reflection

Having feelings for someone else might say as much about you as it does about how funny/hot/charming your crush is. Take some time to consider why you might be looking outside your relationship.

“I find it a useful tool know when I should re-examine myself and what I want from my relationship,” one commenter wrote. “What is attracting me to this crush? Have my wants and needs from my relationship changed without me quite realizing? Has my partner’s behavior towards me changed without me realizing? Has our relationship changed in a way I don’t like? or failed to develop in a way do I want?”