The 29 Funniest Tweets by Women This Week

BuzzFeed has compiled a list of the most hilarious things that women tweeted this week. Here are 10 highlights (check out the full list at the link):

Marie Kondo has proved irrefutably that no one is more annoying than people who think owning a lot of books is a personality.
Crazy that every person in front of you at an ATM has never used an ATM before.
Yo. Don’t come to NYC to chase you dreams if you can’t walk f**king fast, son.
My grandmother has a new “friend” at her retirement community. He takes her shopping and to get her hair and nails done. She told me that his wife doesn’t mind because she has Alzheimer’s. Ma’am.
OK, I have a confession. One time when I was doing a chem lab, I purposefully ripped a hole in my glove, poured a (mild) acid on my hand, and my skin got irritated so my professor let me leave early. All so I could go get an Einsteins Bagel. Thank you for your time.
Hulu surprise dropping its Fyre Fest documentary today, mere days before Netflix was set to drop its own, is the level of aggressive pettiness I’m here for.
I just remembered the time I was dating a British man and I was annoyed at him about something so I deliberately made my tea in the microwave while staring him right in the eyes.
Some of y’all have never had your siblings chase you around the house with a knife when your parents were gone for hours at a time and it really shows.
My impostor syndrome doesn’t scream I am a fraud all the time. Sometimes it whispers, “The scam is working.”
I’ll never forget when my sister hit my car and her and my mom kept it a secret from me. I noticed it while on campus and filed a police report and everything. I called my mom crying and she really had the audacity to say “I hope they find who did it sweetie.”

https://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/women-tweets-1-14-2019